Sunday, 23 March 2014
Saturday, 22 March 2014
Sunday, 2 February 2014
Pre-Midnight Iphone Monologues
I cannot stress enough how happy I am to finally do a breakthrough and muster up the courage to splurge on the “right things” at my early twenties. Woot woot.
Saturday, 3 August 2013
Someday: It Bag Crush
Proenza Schouler PS1
This red one is a second choice.
Gorgeous Chloe Paraty
Sighhh. If only I have the capacity to purchase these. *day dreaming* Soon! I hope. I hope.. All I know is, once I am able to make these lovely things mine, i know I have already made it.
Saturday, 20 July 2013
Help, I am horrible at people
It’s yet another weekend that I’ve spent in the company of my books, my bunny, my bed, and mostly my mother. I just don’t go out, and it’s not for lack of things to go out to (because this is Manila; there’s so much going on). It’s that I don’t appear to have actual friends to go to anything with.
I mean, I have friends, I guess. Friends who are maybe a step up from acquaintances, who I can talk to on a level a little higher than superficial for a respectable amount of time, but I don’t have friends friends. I have a couple of people I consider best friends, who are all so busy that I only see them a few times a year. (But every time I do, it’s like not much has changed. I can count on those people to be there when I absolutely need them to be.) But I don’t hang out with them. I don’t have friends I can hang out with. I don’t hang out.
I scroll through my online feeds on a regular basis and see lots of people basically just hanging out with each other, and it looks fun, and I don’t have that. It makes me sad that I don’t have someone I can text at random to grab a drink or a bite to eat or some coffee or to catch a movie or to go with to some random thing. I don’t have anyone to be casual with.
Is it because I’m bad at people? I don’t like to be the initiator; I’m too shy. I don’t like to force my company on others because I feel like people feel like they have to put up with me. I rarely really feel welcome anywhere; I need to be a little drunk to be comfortable in the company of others. I think I’ve grown so used to being in front of a screen and having a QWERTY keyboard of some form at my fingertips that I’ve essentially lost the art of conversation. I feel dull.
For a while, I thought maybe I didn’t want to go out because I felt ugly and didn’t want to be self-conscious, but then I checked myself. That’s only true sometimes, and rarely.
Mom says I’m like Dad; I’m just the lone wolf type. I mean, I see my boyfriend a few hours a week and barely text him, and I’m surprisingly okay with that. (I know I have a taste for expensive things and I can be terrible when I’m moody, but I can honestly say that I’ve never been a clingy, needy, possessive girlfriend. He doesn’t have it so bad with me. Or at least I hope so.) And this is the person I’m closest to.
I just worry sometimes that I’m too young to be so closed off to everything going on around me, that maybe I should make a little more effort to get out there, try harder. But I just don’t know how.
I mostly enjoy being alone. It’s on the very rare occasions that I feel lonely that I wonder if there’s something wrong with that, with me.